The Phoenix Rises
by Virginia Hensley
Summary: This is a sequel to my first fic "The Makings of You" although it can stand alone as well. This is a deep exploration of Jane and Maura's separate and intertwining experience of being in love. M content. Happy reading!
1. The Death of Adonis Part 1

Medical Examiner Dr. Maura Isles often secretly wondered about the spiritual side to things, although as a scientist she could hardly put stock in ephemeral experiences. Yet since she had fallen in love she found herself more drawn to spiritual answers to questions. But Maura was, in her heart of hearts, a realist. She was a scientist. She wanted to believe in magic, but of course she didn't.

Although when she fell in love with Jane, it seemed to awaken some childish aspect of her self she had long ago lost. There were certain moments with Jane, for example when she knew Jane was lying, when she would feel two realities come into play. As if she were still a little girl staring at the starry sky, and desperately wanting to believe the stars were part of a great benevolent force, yet knowing she had learned at school they were only bright, burning balls of gas. And she would believe Jane's lie although the guilty look in Jane's eyes was the entire truth.

But that is where falling in love had taken Maura Isles. She had reached some bizarre place of knowing herself more truly than she ever had, and somehow betraying herself although the action felt right. She knew there were major issues with their relationship, but in her fantasies she rushed ahead. They had been sleeping together for a year, and they had finally admitted to being in love. Of course Jane was terrified, but she promised Maura she would handle her issues so they could be together. That's when Maura felt like the child looking at the sky again. The stars are angels, or gods, or miracles, or prayers. The stars are suns housing unknown billions of galaxies.

But being in love is a funny thing, like a spiritual experience. It creates belief and disbelief in the most unrealistic things. So Maura believed Jane when she told her that morning how they would be together soon, how she loved her alone, how she wouldn't make Maura wait too long. That is why she was in disbelief when she heard the gun go bang.

* * *

She had been reaching for the door, straining her eyes to catch any sight of Jane. But her eyes couldn't find Jane, and her frantic heart seemed to beat over all the sound, even over the high scream of the police sirens and the terrified shouts of her coworkers. She felt a bizarre confusion, as if she might be dreaming, and she seemed to swim in this confusion timelessly. And her shrieking thoughts created a thick blackness through which she suddenly heard sounds, saw visions, of Jane.

_I love you, Maura. I'll never leave your life, no matter what._

They had sex just that morning. Jane promised her she would think about their future together. She had said they would spend the night together, and Maura had told her she would be waiting for her. Somehow Maura had time to think about their future, to curse Jane's recklessness, to regret cursing her, to worry she would never make love to her or hold her again, to wonder if Jane had even thought of her or their future. And she was only opening the door, seeing Jane being dragged across the steps, and feeling a deceitful wave of relief before hearing the gun, and watching Jane slip to the ground like a kite sailing downward.

Time ceased existing. Maura's sight closed on only Jane's body, and she felt as if she was transported to her side. She was aware of the paramedics trying to push her back, she was aware of hearing herself shouting Jane's name. They put her in the ambulance, and she had to be asked three times by the medic before finally releasing Jane's hand so an IV could be attached. Her semi lucid thoughts were a bizarre mix of screaming fright and total calm.

She thought, _Jane's shirt is ruined. Well, maybe with club soda. No, it has holes now._

She thought, _This fresh medic is senselessly poking her with these needles. If he jabs her again, I'll file a complaint._

She thought, _I hope we have time to grab some take-out on the way home. I know she hasn't eaten._

She thought, _she may never come home again._

She thought, _oh, my dress is ruined too. I'd never save a dress which was soaked in Jane's blood._

She thought, _I am soaked in Jane's blood,_

and then she blacked out.

* * *

Maura's eyes opened and she asked, "Janie?" in a tiny voice.

"She's gonna be okay, honey, and so are you. We're all here together, it's okay." Angela's voice seem to come from far away, and Maura felt herself trying to retreat back into unconsciousness, struggling away from reality and what she knew had happened. "Come on, Maura, it's gonna be okay. The surgeons say she's definitely going to live."

Maura's eyes opened. She was laying on a couch in a private waiting room. Angela was seated beside her, blocking view of her from the others crowded in the room. Maura didn't need to see their faces to know all of Jane's friends and family were there. Slowly her eyes found the strength to focus, and she looked into Angela's face. Immediately she began to cry, and Angela pulled her up into a hug.

"Shhhhh, Maura. Everyone was scared, but you saved Frankie's life. They're both going to be okay." Angela gently pet the head of the woman who had saved her son's life. Maura suddenly regained some of her senses and felt humiliated with her selfishness. Angela had almost lost two children, Maura had only passed out in an ambulance. Seeing Angela's courage gave her heart, and she found the strength to gather the rest of her senses.

"Where are they now?" Maura asked.

"Frankie is already in recovery. His surgeons praised your work. They said your procedure saved his life and made their jobs easy."

Maura felt blankly about the compliment but tried to smile at the good news. "And?"

"Jane is still in surgery. But they're finishing now. They were scared, at first, but ... well, we all prayed together," her voice shook as her eyes filled with tears. Maura saw Tommy's hand suddenly appear on his mother's shoulder to give it an encouraging rub. "And they came out right after to say she would live." Angela smiled although she was crying, and it occurred to Maura it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. She felt so much love for the woman who nurtured her lover, and hugged her earnestly.

Maura stood, and was welcomed back to consciousness by a façade of weary faces. She was surprised that when she rose, the officers in the room rushed to their feet. She still felt bleary, and looked around expectantly before realizing they were standing in salute, for her.

Korsak finally spoke up shyly, "You made us proud today." And the others looked down and mumbled in solemn agreement. Suddenly she was totally overwhelmed. Her smiling eyes filled with tears, and she thanked them with a shaking voice before excusing herself to the restroom.

* * *

Jane woke in darkness. She could see the silhouette of a strange woman messing with her arm. She tried to jerk her arm away, but found herself very weak. When Jane's arm slightly moved, the nurse glanced at her and smiled broadly.

"So, the phoenix rises," the nurse said to her in a warm, quiet tone.

"What? Where-?" And Jane tried to lean up but felt excruciating pain in her torso.

"Don't," the nurse hurried to say as she put her hands on Jane's shoulders. "Don't try to get up, and don't get upset. You're in the hospital, Detective. You're still badly hurt. Unless you want to leap into an open grave, I'd advise you to stay as calm as possible."

Jane felt panic coursing through her veins. Mentally she knew the nurse was right, but some voice in her head was shrieking for -

"Maura?" Jane suddenly asked the nurse, as if her name explained everything.

Even in the darkness, Jane could discern the blush on the nurse's face. "She's here," and the nurse moved aside to show Maura's sleeping body crumpled against a rigid wooden chair. Jane wanted to reach for her, but the nurse was still fussing with her arm.

"She hasn't left your side. That chair actually folds out into a bed, but she told me a long story about Tibetan monks when I showed her. I'm sorry, I separated her hand from yours when I came in, I had to change your IV." The nurse looked down at her with what felt like heart-breaking compassion. "She'll wake up soon, Jane. And all of Boston will be ecstatic to hear you're awake. You're a hero, you know."

After her last comment, she fell abruptly silent as if she had said too much. Then she hurried out of the room. Jane heard the whispers of the nurses calling for a doctor, and heard the doctor gruffly reply that the press wouldn't be allowed in until morning, and for God's sake to give the woman a night with her wife.

* * *

Jane found herself floating in and out of her dreams. She saw visions of the siege at headquarters. She saw Frankie, and Maura, and even caught one terrible glance of her mother in the crowd. There was her mother, her hands covering her face as her eyes contorted with unimaginable terror. And the last sight she had seen, of Maura at her side, grasping at her body and screaming her name.

The expression in Maura's eyes seem to hurt her most, but she didn't know why. It was a look of complete soul-splitting anguish. Anyone would hate to see it on their beloved's face. But there was something more painful to the feeling, a growing conviction that Jane had caused that pain. But she hadn't, of course. She was shot. Then Jane remembered, she shot herself. To save her brother, and to end the situation. She wasn't thinking of hurting Maura, she was thinking of ...

"Mmmmm, Jane, that's nice," Maura suddenly whispered in her sleep.

Jane desperately wished she was close enough to touch. She thought of waking her, but was stopped by an immense wall of guilt. She wasn't sure why she felt so guilty because as clearly as she could remember, her actions were necessary. Frankie would have died if she hadn't... was her brother alive? Suddenly she desperately wished anyone was there with her. She tried to reach for the call button, but she couldn't move her abdomen enough to maneuver her arms. A tear rolled down each cheek, and she finally asked, "Maura?"

Maura's head darted up. Her eyes were barely open by the time she stood at Jane's bed, clutching her hand. She was reaching for the call button when Jane stopped her.

"Don't, they know I'm awake." she said hoarsely.

Maura was relieved to hear her voice, but she ignored the comment, "They need to check on you, Jane."

"No, the doctor told them to let me be with my wife." Jane said, although it sounded absurd aloud. She meant it as a joke of some kind, as if she and Maura would laugh about them being mistaken as a married couple. But it soundly oddly raw and noncomical, and immediately she knew it was the wrong thing to say. She hurried into her question, "Is Frankie okay?"

Maura looked down at her in the darkness. For four nights she hadn't moved from Jane's side, but the entire time she wondered what would happen when Jane awoke. Would they hug and kiss and decide to get married? Would Jane even know why Maura was standing there? Would Jane care about the hell she had put them all through, or would she callously refuse to admit any fault in her actions? Maura had been plagued by these questions, and now that Jane was finally looking up at her, she still didn't know how she felt. Part of her wanted to tell her that her heroic actions saved her little brothers life, and part of her wanted to shriek that yes, Jane's plan to off herself had been an almost total success.

"Frankie is fine. He's at home, actually, with your parents. Your mother will be here soon, she has been bringing me dinner although she knows I've been feeding it to a dear little stray dog who lives behind a dumpster in the parking lot. Sometimes I walk out there when I can't breathe." And she was aware she was rambling absurdly.

Jane was watching Maura anxiously rubbing her fingers over their clasped hands. The gesture was comforting, except that Maura's grip felt too tight. Maura's features and expressions were pale and weak, and for some reason difficult for Jane to read. She felt that Maura was happy she was alive, but also somehow she was still sad. Jane couldn't face this sadness, somehow the mere thought of it overwhelmed her. No, she couldn't face it. She hadn't made Maura sad.

"Do you have a name for the dog?" Jane asked weakly. It was an absurd conversation, they both felt that. Maura attributed it to the shock. For her part, Jane felt half-alive.

"I call her ... Clementine," Maura said quietly. She turned her head when she said the name, as if Jane would see all the anguish in her heart. Part of her wanted to hide her anguish, part of her wanted to throw it in Jane's face.

Jane frowned deeply. She didn't know how she had ruined everything, but she knew without any doubt that she had. She and Maura would never be the same again. They both began to cry as they realized it simultaneously.


	2. The Death of Adonis Part 2

After Jane awoke, things moved at a rapid speed. The press seemed to come and go, eternally chased by her shooing mother. Her hands felt shook off her arms, as an endless chain of people came to chatter at her. First her superiors, who thanked and congradulated her, explained her status as a hero and debreifed her on the situation's outcome.

Then her family came, and were punctuated by all her shy and somehow still boastful friends. They each patted her carefully and finally confessed to loving her dearly, at which point Jane was seized by akwardness. She didn't feel like a hero, she felt like a kid who thinks she's going to do some Wonder Woman stunt and ends up in the hospital. But she ardently loved her friends, and who could shut down such a touching showing of love and support?

For the entire preceeding Maura stood more or less on guard. Her presence felt like a tiny body guard or a silent menacing ninja. Everyone greeted her with the same warm regard, and she returned it lovingly. Yet her demeanor felt cold, everyone noticed it. But no one felt it more acutely than Jane. Although Jane was infinitely consoled by her presence, she also felt the sadness between them somehow growing although the preceedings had been merry.

Jane mostly allowed all the attention because it served as a helpful distraction. She and Maura hadn't had any time alone to talk. The first night she woke, Maura only informed her of what had happened, and warmed her with talk of how much support their community had shown. They both felt the desire to talk about their feelings, to mention their last conversation, to kiss or hold each other, but neither of them acted on it. It was as if they both waited for some spell to be broken.

* * *

On her last day at the hospital, the doctors finally had a chance to talk to Jane. She had entertained so much company during her stay that they had hardly had time to speak with her.

"Jane, it's important to know ... you died. You were dead for three minutes in the ambulance."

Jane immidiately made sure neither Maura or her mother could have overheard his comment. She made the hand signal for "hushed tone". And the doctor lowered his tone slightly, "Jane, you may have some psychological issues ahead. Nothing permanant, but a lot of people who die ... well, it's a tough experience to cope with. Also, considering what you went through, we fear," he glanced at his associate, "PTSD. And with your past, well, we have concerns you may be at a high risk."

Jane heard her mother in the hall and signaled for them to wrap it up.

"Listen, this is important, we're serious. If you even think you may need ... well, any help, like therapy or medication or hell, even if you just want to talk, please," his voice was fully earnest as he pressed his card into Jane's hand. "Just call, and we'll get you a specialist. You've been through a lot and it's totally understandable. You're a human, Jane. I hope you know that."

With that, the doctors patted her comfortingly, and released her to her mother's care.

* * *

Jane had been scared to ask where she was being taken. She tried to pretend to herself that she wanted to be taken to Maura's, but in her stomach she felt afraid. Afraid to talk to Maura, to be alone with her, and it was such a selfish, unwanted notion that Jane pretended even to herself she hoped she was being taken to Maura's house. She looked out the window and tried to think of what to say to Maura.

_I wish ... I could protect you from ever getting hurt, Maura. _

_I wish ... I had never pulled the trigger or I had thought of some other plan._

_I wish ... I could believe all this bull about me being a hero and just act entitled to your love._

_I wish ... I never hurt you._

She thought of all the reasons she had done it, all the things that went through her head. It honestly wasn't much. She thought of Frankie's safety and she thought of Maura getting out safely as soon as possible. It wasn't until she saw Maura screaming that she realized the mistake, she realized she couldn't unhurt the woman she loved. She coudln't redeserve her love after acting like a selfish, reckless jerk. Not in a week anyway.

The car arrived outside her own apartment. That was what she had been truly hoping for, but she looked at her mother in disbelief. Even she knew she needed supervision and care.

"Your brother is here. We moved his things over temporarily since you're both wounded and helpless. And since you both decided to worry your mother to dea-" she paused briefly and put her hand on Jane's arm, "to exhaustion with your questionable professional choices!" She smiled, and leaned in to kiss her daughter's cheek. "Let's get you settled inside, before you get too grumpy. Oh, Frankie is gonna have his hands full with your demanding attitude!"

* * *

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Maura asked when she answered her phone that night.

"I'm feeling somewhat lucid, which is a miracle considering these horse tranquilizers they gave me. Earlier I had a long talk with Yoda who revelead the Jedi secret to me."

"Always come prepared?"

"Never feed the bears, actually. That's a common mistake."

Maura laughed giddily. "You sound ... so high, Jane. Are you at your apartment? Is Frankie sharing your pills or has he already proceeded to burn your place down?"

Jane looked at her brother who was playing xbox in the floor. Their first day together had been an automatic hit. They fell into step like two 12 year olds, pinching and harassing and otherwise doting on each other. Jane had been worried her recooperation time would be spent protecting her face from her mother's spit lathered rubbing, but she had come out lucky after all.

"He's ... " she laughed, "he's kicking this squid monster's ass." And Maura could hear Frankie shouting in the background. Something about lost pearls or a mermaid. "This squid already took all his gold, but he wouldn't give up. That just goes to show ... " the pause was comically long and Maura could hear Frankie shouting his own praises in the background. "Perseverence. That's the lesson of the day."

"I can hear that." Maura said, grinning. "Baby, are you there?"

"Sure am, country ham."

She laughed. "Please be careful with my Jane and be sweet to your brother and mother. And," she paused, "Jane?"

"I'm listening, my love," Jane replied, adoringly.

She smiled, "Thank you. And please rest yourself and call me when you're sober."

"Yes, ma'am. Hey, Maura?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Maura caught her breath. "I ... I love you, too, Jane. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, moon."

* * *

It wasn't like either of them hit the breaks really, but neither hit the gas anymore. They exchanged texts whenever anything funny or interesting happened, and they called each other every few days. No talk was had of their feelings, though, it was infomational woman chatter about the details of their lives in general. Drapes, heels, pizza, annoying neighbors, hilarious tv commercials, what happened at work or when Frankie tried to cook. They feigned normality so well it shocked them both.

Maura feared that losing Jane's presence in her life, even a little, would cause her to spin into turmoil. But she foud herself easily slipping into a routine much as she had before meeting Jane. She worked and went home, and was highly pleased with the zen simplicity of eating dinner with Bass over a documentary. Her thoughts were engrossed with Jane though. There were times when she feared she would lose herself on a sea of thoughts of their relationship, and she had to reach for reality and force herself to take a walk or call her mother.

Jane felt that she had recovered well from the turmoil. Everyone was so busy acting super great about the fact that everything was absolutely okay now. And no one was halfhearted, not in the least. They were all trying as hard as possible to cope with ease. Everyone Jane saw gave her the bravest face imaginable, and floated her on a cloud of stories about how she would be healthy so soon it would defy medical explanation, how she would bust so many criminals she would probably be cop of the year, or whatever. Everyone was untellably cheery with her.

After the first month, the pills wore off and she started to get uncomfortable. She didn't want to admit the wound was hurting her, but she winced a few times and was immidiately whisked to the doctor who told her she should take a careful pace on the road to recovery. It was reasonable, truly nuetral advice, but it set her on edge. She liked to hurdle obstacles, not pussyfoot around them. But she knew she needed to remain calm, and heal at her body's pace.

With very little to occupy her time, her thoughts were focused mainly on Maura. She felt like she was in another world, or at least in a time warp, as she sat on the couch watching her brother play simulated football from an unsteady ottomon. She felt like a teenager, wondering if she should call Maura, then wondering why Maura hadn't called her. Across town, Maura was sipping her wine and sitting on the couch with bass, who was nibbling on a slice of carrot.

"I can't believe I'm letting you eat that on the couch. Consider yourself lucky, mister." She said as she rubbed his shell sweetly.

Suddenly her phone rang, it was Jane. She held the phone and watched it.

Jane listened to the song play out once,

She moved her finger to the 'answer' button.

Jane listened to the song play out twice.

Maura pressed the button, but it was too late. The phone vibrated at her angrily like it was annoyed at her timing. She sighed.

Jane looked up in time to see Frankie lean into a catch and tumble off the unsteady ottoman. He and the controller rolled helplessly across the carpet, cursing the whole way.

And that was how their relationship ended. Not with a bang, but a whimper.


	3. The Labyrinth, Part 1

WRITER'S NOTE: First, I want to say thanks, of course, for the follows, the reviews, and to everyone who tuned in!

SOME NOTES: To be sure, in my personal life I hope for the gentle love story. My Maura and Jane are on a troubled path, one which I don't wish for myself or anyone. I don't plan to necessarily glorify their experiences or their decisions. I will say, they are in love. That will be their motivation to act out in many ways, some for which we may cheer and some for which we may boo. Like life, I can't promise you a happy ending. I can promise you they will succeed or fail trying, as heroes fail.

I hope for everyone their experience of love will be sweet and pure. But that is not the story I am telling of Jane and Maura. For them, love will be attained at varying costs and sacrifices. But make no mistake, we will not skip the ooos and ahhhs of Love in all her glory. There will be time for Jane and Maura.

Gratitude,

V

P.S. I promise "The Labyrinth" is the last super depressing chapter.

* * *

_Jane is running, and she feels so free. Her hair is down and she's running very fast and imagining herself looking so sleek and sexy. The sun is shining on her face and she smiles. Everything is okay. Then she hears a bang, a commotion. She reaches for her gun, she stalks up to the crowd, pushing the bystanders back until she can see a woman is has been shot. She's laying on the sidewalk with a bullet wound below her chest._

_Jane gathers the woman into her arms before she realizes, it's Maura._

_It's Maura. And she's trying to run anywhere, but she knows Maura isn't okay. She's so scared to sit her down anywhere, she's too scared to stop and look at Maura. She just runs. But finally she's exhausted, and she's panting heavily when she finally collapses, clutching Maura's limp body to her chest. Maura's blood has soaked them both and Jane thinks she's screaming just seeing it, but the sound is frozen._

_Her ears are ringing in this immense silence when she finally gathers Maura against her chest to look at her. She's white as a sheet and her face falls against Jane's shoulder. Jane wants to weep, to shriek. Then she wants to fight, to fight whoever did this. Then she wants to beg, to plead with God or anyone to please, give Maura back. Finally heavy tears fill her eyes. Her chest begins to heave in great waves of sorrow._

_She opens her mouth to speak but she only murmurs._

_"Maura," and her name is spoken as a plea._

_"Maura?" and her name is dragged into a shocking question._

_"Maura!" and her name is a horrible cry of loss._

_"Maura! Maura! Maura!" and her name is a frantic garble, a puddle into which Jane's heart has melted._

* * *

Jane awoke suddenly with tear filled eyes to the sound of herself shouting. She leapt from the couch where she had been sleeping, and immediately she doubled over in pain. While clutching her side, she dragged herself to a kitchen stool where she pawed at a can of beer, helplessly fatigued.

Jane had been having these types of nightmares for weeks. At first it was like watching scary movies in her dreams, but each subsequent nightmare seemed to ring louder. Each time a scenario was dreamed again, such as Maura getting shot, its vividness would grow. Dark circles lined her eyes when she woke from these dreams, but she was scared to admit the splitting mental pain they caused her.

It had been six weeks since she and Maura had talked. Occasionally Maura would text her,

_Are you okay? _Often late in the evening.

Jane replied to her texts, _I'm okay. Are you okay?_

Maura would reply, _Yes._

And this was their only contact. Both Jane and Maura would often say, "Well, we text" when explaining their sudden separation. But to both their surprise, their friends didn't really bother them about it. Jane had imagined her mother would plague her with ceaseless inquiry on the subject, but not even Frankie implored. It was a subject into which no one really wanted to delve.

* * *

It was after five when Jane's phone chimed. It was a text from Maura asking if she could visit Jane that evening. Jane considered it carefully before replying in the positive.

Angela had just cleaned her apartment that morning and stocked it with groceries, and she had bathed earlier which was rare. Jane was fidgeting on the couch when Maura rang the bell, hesitated, and opened the door with her key.

Maura noticed another odd slowing of time as she turned to meet Jane's face. Jane was sitting on the couch in sweatpants and a hoody, and she looked painfully sexy. Her eyes were decorated with enormous black circles as if she had participated in a bar fight. She was somehow skinnier than ever. Maura's heart tore at the dual look of frailty and numbness that showed itself on Jane's face.

Jane suddenly understood the expression "a sight for sore eyes" as she looked at her beloved for the first time in months. Her eyes felt as if they were dragging over every cell of Maura's being. Each part of Maura she gazed at gave her a feeling of untellable comfort. There were Maura's heels, her tight calves, her gorgeous thighs, her incredible ass and waist and her breast. There are Maura's breasts. Finally she dragged her aching eyes up to meet Maura's.

They felt simultaneously that an untellable warmth was brought to their lives by the others presence. Their time apart had been cold and lifeless like winter, and now the glorious rays of their love were shining down on them, bringing them back to a feeling of being alive. They looked for so long that they laughed, but didn't break eye contact.

Eventually Jane said, "It's good ... " and only nodded her head dumbly, smiling at Maura like a lovestruck teenager.

Maura laughed, and her laugh filled Jane's ears like a rush of bells. "I missed you," she said, with measured familiarity.

Jane smiled, but her smile quickly faded. "What did ... you want to do this evening?"

Maura started moving around her apartment, shrugging out of her jacket and then absently tidying certain things. She opened all the kitchen cabinets as if she was performing an inspection. Jane saw this as the nervous action it was, and finally asked, "Maura?"

Maura thought of her time at Jane's bedside when she was unconscious. She had raked her eyes over Jane's body then, thinking of how she would make love to her so tenderly afterward, after the hell was over. This was the fantasy that pulled her through the twelve hour blocks of sitting in freezing silence listening to Jane's heart monitor.

But after Jane woke, she knew something had changed. Stubbornly she held on to her fantasy, pretending Jane would come to her house to recuperate or that Maura would regularly visit her to give her sexy sponge baths.

As the days passed, Maura tried to push the realization back but it kept coming at her. This was not the same Jane she had dug her fingernails into as they clutched each other in yelping bliss. Jane had woken up a distant stranger to the woman who had promised her a future together. Somehow, Maura just felt it deep in her gut, this Jane would not be holding her for a long time.

Maura felt like she floated over to the couch and was sucked down at Jane's side. She suddenly was compelled to look at everything in the apartment that wasn't Jane. She tried not to wring her hands when she finally said, "I want ... to talk."

The words sent a shockwave of fear through Jane. She tried to catch her breath, "Oh, okay."

Maura was following the design on the coffee table with her eyes when she started, "I ... am ... thinking about ... deciding to ... start dating ... " and she had to stop there although she needed to rush on, "your surgeon."

Jane felt like she had been kicked in her wound. Suddenly she desperately wanted to be pawing at a beer can. "Dr. ... Bedside Manner?"

Maura winced, "Ah, yes. That's him."

"Why ..." Jane sounded hot, "would you need my permission? And how ... " she seemed to work her jaw as if the sentence was spoken at great effort, "long have you felt this way?"

Maura exhaled. She didn't know what she expected from Jane or this evening. She had felt each time the surgeon had asked her out that she would be cheating on Jane. But she and Jane hadn't really touched in months, they didn't seem to be a couple anymore. But Maura felt nauseous when she considered dating him without asking Jane. She didn't know if she wanted permission, wanted Jane to be furious, or wanted her blessing.

Maura started carefully, "I haven't ... he's been asking me out for a few weeks, but I was declining him because he's your doctor. I don't want that to be weird for you."

"Is weird a technical term? Is there a weirdness clause in his contract, you think?" Jane cut in childishly.

Maura suppressed her eye roll and pushed ahead, "I'm an adult who should be dating, there's ... no real reason I shouldn't. Right? Or ... would that be weird for you?"

Jane had been feeling like a kid kicking her legs, then suddenly the genius of Maura's word choice dawned on her. Briefly she thought of how sexy that was to her, that Maura could be so pure and so sly at the same time. She considered the beautiful multiplicity of Maura's question.

If Jane wanted to tell Maura she loved her, or to make love to her then on the couch, she could simply take Maura. She was sitting knee-to-knee with her. Or if Jane wanted to push Maura away, she wouldn't have to confess to pushing her away. She could just tell her it was fine to date him, and Maura would move on. Or if she was too much of a coward to choose, she could just hide in the innocuous fact that it was technically weird because he's her doctor, and selfishly cling to Maura without any intention of making her happy.

The possibilities swam in Jane's mind, and Maura sat silently waiting for her decision. She felt like Marie Antoinette, approaching the guillotine. Hadn't she always known she and Jane were doomed? Hadn't she always felt, deep at heart, that Jane would somehow never have the courage to embrace their relationship? Yes, she had. But she loved Jane. And she accepted the risk in those feelings, and she would accept her fate with Jane, however it may go. Either Jane would embrace her or Jane would push her away.

Jane's mind felt oddly lucid as she toyed with the possibilities of her reply. Her thoughts had been consumed with Maura these last months and now the time had come to employ the fruits of her meditation. She had tried to see their relationship through Maura's eyes, to see her own actions as Maura would see them. Carefully she pictured how Maura had fashioned the outcomes of her question, each tailored for a different decision she thought Jane might make. But which did she want Jane to choose?

And Jane realized then that each outcome was dismal for Maura. She understood, with a tear of sadness, that Maura thought Jane wanted to run from her, and was giving her an easy out.

Slowly she slid her hand over to take Maura's hand very tenerly. Maura exhaled at the gesture and tried to keep her face still.

"It would be weird for me, Maura, " Jane said evenly.

"I understand. That's okay, Jane," Maura seemed to reply on cue.

"It would be weird because we never," Jane struggled for breath, "talked about us."

Maura felt jolted and looked at Jane in disbelief. "I thought you didn't want to."

Jane held her gaze unsteadily. "I do want to."

Tears formed in Maura's eyes and she tried to blink them back. "Okay."

Jane felt a severe sense of panic climb on her chest. When she looked into Maura's eyes, she suddenly saw flashes of Maura at the shooting and Maura in her nightmares. Maura, screaming in anguish. She felt a sudden sense of doom come over her, and her fate with Maura was revealed to her like a lightening flash in a black cloud. She was going to hurt Maura.

CONTINUED IN PART TWO


	4. The Labyrinth, Part 2

"Jane? Jane? Are you okay?"

Jane heard Maura's voice dimly. She cleared her throat. "I'm fine, Maur."

Maura had watched Jane's face drain of all its color. Jane's eyelids drooped, and Maura grabbed her by the upper arms. "Hey, Jane, lean back on the couch." She ordered as she pushed Jane back.

Jane felt herself lowered, then saw Maura appear above her. She felt Maura checking her pulse and temperature. "Jane, are you hearing me okay?"

Jane meant to reassure her, but she didn't sound too convincing, "I hear you great, love," she slurred.

Maura rushed to the kitchen and brought her a cup of juice. She nearly poured it down Jane's throat.

Finally Jane drew a long breath and reached out to grip Maura's waist. "I'm okay."

"Jane, you scared me. Are you eating? What have you eaten today? Should I cook for you? Or has this been happening a lot? Do your doctors know about this?"

Jane gave her a weak smile. "It just happened, Maura. Do you want to call them at home?"

Maura looked at her very seriously. "That's a good idea," she said while reaching for her phone.

"Hey," Jane said, swatting at her hand, "I was kidding. I'm fine. I just ... didn't eat, like you said. I'm sorry, I was ... watching a marathon on tv and I forgot." She looked up at Maura through her eyelashes.

And Maura was looking at the starry sky. Jane's lying face did something unhealthy to her libido. She briefly wished her lover could be as honest as she.

Jane's hands started a slow exploration at Maura's waist.

Maura's eyes fell on Jane's hands and watched them. She remembered being back in her bedroom, getting dressed. She assured herself there was no reason to think she and Jane would have sex tonight. So there was no reason to dress in anything sexy for Jane. There was no reason at all, is what she was thinking when she clasped the little buckles on her stockings.

Jane breathed in as her hands fell upon Maura. She had been sucked into some kind of blackness, but Maura was the opposite of that blackness. Maura was light, and safety, and warmth, and comfort, and confidence. When she was with Maura she felt so sure. Her hands slid across Maura's hips to cross behind her body. She pulled Maura against her.

"We can't talk in here because of the ... echo. Terrible acoustics in here. We should talk in the bedroom." She kept her face still and feigned seriousness.

Maura looked up into her eyes. There was the slow motion again. She tried to calculate her decisions, the outcomes, the pros and cons. She tried to think of Jane's physical health and their relationship, the talk they desperately needed to have, and her early schedule the next morning.

"I agree." Maura said with a smile.

* * *

Maura let Jane lead her to the bedroom. Once beside the bed, Maura let herself be undressed. Jane immediately started to kiss her neck, and Maura gently pulled at her hoody until she stood erect.

"Let me," Maura asked softly, and Jane obliged her rigidly. She hadn't really thought of sex while she was healing. She had thought of making love to Maura before the shooting, but she hadn't imagined the punctured mess of her current body trying to make love to Maura.

Maura slid Jane's hoody away and shimmied her from her pants and socks. She noticed Jane frown when she took the hem of her t-shirt, and she stopped. Jane glanced into her eyes and she knew Maura was aware of her insecurity.

It was so acutely painful sometimes, to be in love with Maura. It was like watching herself in a mirror, but so much more raw. The vision of herself she saw reflected in Maura's eyes was the real her, and that was often overwhelming for Jane. Compounded with the fact that Maura somehow loved that ragged mess, it was a frightening enigma.

"Take it. You've seen a wound before. Just please, " she tried to keep her voice level, "don't make a big deal about it. I'm okay. It's healing."

Maura watched Jane's face carefully. It was all stars up there. What was Jane hiding? How much pain was she really in? Why would she hide her pain from Maura? Maura leaned up to kiss her.

Jane accepted her kiss automatically and emphatically returned it. She felt starved for Maura's kisses. Tenderly, Maura kissed her until her demeanor had calmed, and slowly she untangled her from the shirt. She knew it wouldn't be okay to inspect Jane's wound, so she focused on kissing Jane and lowering them carefully on the bed.

Jane refused to hiss or wince when she relaxed on the bed. She tried to keep a still face, but she knew hiding her pain from Maura was impossible. She wanted to be on top of Maura, but they both knew she couldn't support that position. Maura eased her on her back and carefully straddled her.

Jane raised her hands to Maura's thighs and smiled. They surprised each other by making out for long minutes. Both had diluted themselves into thinking they didn't miss the sex, but now they each lamented at their stupidity. Maura raised her hips and let her breasts fall against Jane's face, who kissed and licked at them until she was drowsy.

Maura sat upright and looked down at her. Jane sighed heavily. She was such a lovely sight. Maura unsaddled Jane's hips and moved toward Jane's knees, but Jane stopped her.

"Hey," Jane said in a low voice that made the hairs raise on Maura's neck.

"Yeah, Jane?"

"I like it when you straddle me," she hedged.

Maura glanced into her eyes. What did she want? "I can't put any weight on you, Jane," she whispered, apologetically.

Jane averted her eyes. "Not on my torso."

Maura looked deep into her face to discern her meaning. Finally, Maura felt the hotness of a deep blush crawling up her breasts and neck. "Oh ... okay," she said slowly.

She moved to Jane's head where she quickly fussed with the pillows beneath Jane. Then she placed a sweet kiss on Jane's lips, and gracefully straddled Jane's face.

Jane grinned, and for a little while she was blissfully happy. They both were.

* * *

Hours later, Maura lay beside Jane in bed. Jane was still too sore to be embraced, so she laid with her legs tangled in Jane's and her arms lightly petting Jane's body.

"So," Maura said, smiling, "Definitely better acoustics in here."

Jane grinned at her, "Can't argue with a scientist."

Jane saw a shadow pass over Maura's eyes. She cleared her throat.

"I love being with you this way," Jane said finally, "I love ... everything about being your best friend. I want ... you in my life. Always."

Maura wished they weren't lying face to face so she couldn't see the truth in Jane's eyes.

"What is it that scares you, Jane?" she broke out honestly. "Please, tell me. Trust me, and tell me what scares you about us."

Jane caught her breath and tried to stay steady. She looked into Maura's eyes and saw a whole galaxy of swirling love for her.

"I'm scared of hurting you, Maura," she eventually gathered the courage to say.

Maura looked at her carefully. "Baby, you can't ... be scared to hurt me," Maura reached for her face. "Jane, look at me."

"Jane, you can't be scared of hurting me, baby. You just have to ... try to make good decisions. I'll love you no matter what as long as you always try. And you won't hurt me."

Her words carried nothing but sincerity, yet Jane felt numb toward their comfort.

"I hurt you when I shot myself." She said quietly.

"Yeah, you did." Maura said so quickly she surprised herself. She immediately moved to hold Jane's hand. "But you know what you did wrong, right, Jane?"

Jane looked at her. She thought. Suddenly her mind was filled with violent crashing, screaming sirens, with gunfire and Maura's agony. She jerked her head slightly.

"Yeah, I hurt you. That was wrong." She said quietly.

Maura stroked Jane's hands with her thumb. "You shot yourself, Jane. I watched you shoot yourself."

"I -" Jane started, but she stopped. She waited for the loudness in her mind to grow quiet again. "I ... just wanted to keep you safe, Maura. I wanted to protect you."

"But ... you didn't. You ... you hurt me. And I'm not upset with you anymore, Jane, but I need to know you're not going to shoot yourself again. I need to know you won't throw my lover at every bullet speeding past her. That's ... scary as hell for me." She gripped Jane's hand painfully. "Do you understand that, Jane?"

Maura's tightening grip on Jane's hand brought her slightly back into reality. She looked at Maura's white knuckles and felt the searing intensity of her beloved's passion. She looked into Maura's pleading eyes and saw an endless starscape of sprawling love for her.

"I understand I saved lives. That's what I do, Maura. Are you sorry I saved Frankie's life?"

Maura's shining green eyes cut her. "I saved Frankie's life. You shot yourself."

Jane's face fell, and she felt like it shattered.

"Wow," she exhaled finally. She turned on her side to get away from Maura, but she howled in pain at the movement, and Maura instantly moved to doctor her wound. Jane feverishly pushed her back. "No, Maura. Stop. You're not my surgeon. You're dating my surgeon."

Maura's breath seized in her chest. When she looked into Jane's eyes, her own filled with tears. "Am I?"

"Yeah, I thought thats why you came, to get permission to date Dr. Bedside Manners."

Maura stood and started getting dressed. With her back turned she said, "I came because I missed you."

And Jane replied curtly, "Well, now you've got the surgeon to keep you company."

Maura felt as if her heart couldn't break any further. She stood above Jane who was still clawing at her side like a wounded animal.

"Jane, do you remember ... do you remember the last conversation we had? Before the shooting?"

Maura's voice was so gentle that Jane dropped her head in surrender. "I do."

"Do you remember," and Maura's voice was rocked with a tremor, "the last thing I said to you?"

Jane played the memory out in her head until Maura said her last line.

_I'll be waiting for you._

"Yes, Maura, I remember."

Maura tried to smile at her, but her face flooded with tears. "I meant it."

And Maura fled from Jane.


	5. Persephone in Exile

We have cleared the gruesome part of this story. To be perfectly frank, I am sorry it got so dark. While I was writing it, I felt I had worked with only material given by the plot of the show. After giving it a read, I agree I probably overdid it. But I wouldn't have wasted four chapters of your life to tell you they ended up hating each other.

Gratitude,

V

* * *

Jane sank into the plush, oversized couch and tried to relax. Across the room, Dr. Austell was tapping her pen, waiting for Jane to respond. But no answer was forthcoming so she finally repeated her question, "Jane, your parents divorce?"

Jane exhaled. "Maura is letting Ma stay in her guest house, and Pa has run off to Florida to chase skirts or fish or something. I feel fine about it. Well, I feel fine because Ma is at Maura's. If she weren't there, she'd either be homeless or living with me, and I don't know which I would want less."

Her psychologist laughed. "It sounds like you're fine with it. Let's talk about Maura some."

Jane inhaled sharply. "Okay. You're the doctor."

"How have things been between you two?"

"You mean ... with our friendship? Working together? Or with Ma living there?"

Dr. Austell smiled at her patiently. "As much as you feel comfortable saying, Jane. You know the routine."

Jane leaned her head back into the couch. "I - she - we're fine. I'm actually really grateful Ma is at her place. Maura and I don't hang out anymore, but we see each other as much as before. With Ma and Tommy both staying there now, we eat dinner together regularly. But it isn't like before."

"How were things before, Jane?"

"We were ... intimate before. Not just during sex. We touched each other, she smiled when I walked in the room. We made eye contact during movies, that kind of thing."

"And now?"

Jane pulled her focus from her memories. "Now, that's gone. She just looks at me when I walk into a room. But it's better in some ways. She likes being around my family, and the time we spend together now is ... normal, actually. We watch tv with my family and eat dinner. I wash the dishes and go home. But we're still together, and it's nice."

"You sound sad about it, though, Jane."

"You know I am, doctor. Have we talked about Maura enough?"

The doctor laughed again. "Jane, you're making great progress. I am actually surprised by how flexible you've been with me. I would like to tell you I don't think you need therapy anymore, with your nightmares gone and your health back to normal, but your relationship with Maura makes me uneasy."

"Me too, doctor," Jane sighed honestly.

"But I don't think I can help you with that. You need to talk to Maura about how you're feeling."  
"I can't, really. Things just settled down. She's dating a nice guy, and the situation at work has gone back to normal. She seems really happy now, and ... I just want her to be happy. Is that okay, Doctor?"

"I thought you told me Maura said she's waiting for you." The doctor said, a slight challenge in her tone.

"She said that before, but," Jane glanced away nervously. "She's not still waiting. I told you, she's happy now."

The doctor sighed. "Jane, if you want to bring Maura with you to therapy, I'd be glad to see you as a couple."

"We're not a couple," Jane replied quickly.

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "I'm proud of the progress you've made, Jane, but I honestly do think you should talk to Maura. I don't know if she's happy or not, but I do think she's still waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"You, Jane," the doctor said flatly. "And that's all our time. Come back next week if you want, or skip a week. You've made strides in your time with me, Detective. I'm proud to have you as a patient."

Jane smiled broadly. It was a genuine smile. She hadn't ever imagined she'd consent to getting therapy, but she was happy she had accepted the help. Her nightmares had ceased, her pain had ceased, her heart had stopped racing at odd times. Her PTSD symptoms had finally waned, and Jane was incredibly grateful.

* * *

Maura came into her kitchen at eight to see Jane reading the newspaper over a pot of fresh coffee. She stopped behind a pillar before Jane was aware of her, to observe Jane. Maura was relieved to see her demeanor looking calm again. She had been acting calmer for weeks, and Maura felt certain she must be dating someone.

_Only regular sex keeps Jane that relaxed_, she thought to herself jealously. She wondered who it could be. She hadn't seen Jane flirting with anyone, male or female. As far as she knew, Jane was still long-distance dating Casey via webcam. She knew he wasn't the one fulfilling Jane's needs.

For a while after their last fight, Maura couldn't even look at Jane. Jane had returned to work the next week and they argued a few times, but eventually their childish anger seemed to fade. Maura almost wished she could stay mad at Jane, at least it was a better alternative than hiding behind pillars to steal lusty unbidden glances at her.

Jane listened to Maura breathing for a while and finally said, "I'm not a robber, Maura. You don't have to sneak up on me."

Maura popped out immediately. "Oh, Jane. I didn't see you there. Good morning."

Jane smirked at her. "Morning. I'm waiting on Ma. She's in the shower."

Maura poured herself a coffee and started to pack up the Chess board she and Tommy had left sitting out the night before.

Jane suddenly cleared her throat, "You had enough Chess for now?"

Maura tensed at the comment. "Jane, if this is about me hanging out with Tommy, he's a nice guy. He's like a brother to me, you know that."

Jane's face fell. "No, um, actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to play, with me."

Maura sucked in her breath. "Oh." She looked at Jane apologetically.

"I have time now, if you want to set it up." Jane said quickly. "I'm sure I can beat you before Ma's even out of the shower." Jane felt like she was pushing her luck a little, so she gave Maura an easy smile.

Maura tried to remember the last time Jane had smiled at her. She was almost displeased with herself for warming at the sight. She didn't smile back at Jane, but she assembled the chess board.

Jane watched her tentatively before asking, "Should I ... make the first move?"

Maura laughed aloud at her wording. Then Jane laughed.

"Yes, Jane. Make the first move," she said, trying to keep the irony from her tone.

As Jane watched Maura considering her plays, she asked, "How are things? With Byron?"

Maura thought Jane was trying to distract her from the game, so she kept her eyes focused on her pieces. "We broke up. Too arrogant. Are you seeing anyone?"

Jane was trying to rescue her cornered knight. She replied, "Casey and I talk."

Maura watched Jane grieve the loss of her knight. "No one else?" she pressed.

Jane moved to close the gap in her Kings's defense. "No," she mumbled.

After trying to beckon Maura's bishop into a trap, Jane asked, "Did you think I was seeing someone?"

Maura sensed the trap. "You're acting a little different," she hesitated, "than you were."

Jane lost another rooke. "I just feel better. I'm finally recuperated, and I feel like myself again." Jane smiled at her again. It wasn't an offer or a plea, Jane just smiled at her.

Maura smiled back at her that time. "I'm happy to hear that," she said, but suddenly rethought her dreamy tone, "I'm happy to hear that you're feeling better, Jane." She tried a more formal tone.

Jane opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by the booming voice of her mother.

"Let's go! I'm late, late, late!" She shouted as she hustled past.

Maura looked up at Jane slyly. "I thought you said you were going to win," she said as she toppled over Jane's king in checkmate.

"That was before I knew what a cheater you are," Jane replied cheekily as she grabbed her coat and made for the front door.

"Jane Rizzoli, that's slander!" Maura called after her, grinning.


	6. Isis Lives

The silence in the car was palpable. Jane swatted at the radio anxiously.

_Fine times have gone and left my sad home_  
_Friends who once cared just walk out my door_  
_Love has no pride when I call out your name_  
_Love has no pride when there's no one left to blame_  
_I'd give anything to see you again_

Jane reached, but Maura caught her arm. "Don't. I love Bonnie Raitt."

_I've been alone too many nights_  
_to think that you could come back again_  
_And I've heard you talk, "She's crazy to stay"_  
_But this love hurts me so, I don't care what you say_

Maura flipped the radio off suddenly, and Jane glanced at her. Their relationship had finally become comfortable, but as they rode in silence to question Hoyte, hopefully for the last time, Jane felt that Maura was meditating on their friendship. Jane could tell from the way Maura looked into her eyes and then looked away, as if she was testing a theory.

"Are you nervous about seeing Hoyte?" Maura asked her in an earnest tone.

"I," Jane hesitated, "am. He scares me. But I'm not as scared as the family he killed. So let's just get his confession and go home."

It was Jane's birthday. Maura knew her family was lying in wait at her apartment, preparing her surprise party. Maura hoped it would give a happy ending to the last night Jane had to face Hoyte.

"I'm here with you, Jane." Maura said. She longed to take Jane's hand, but she didn't dare. Their friendship was finally somewhat back to normal. Maura knew if she grabbed Jane's hand, she wouldn't be able to let go. And she didn't want to unleash she feelings she had grappled for months to subdue.

Jane glanced at her. "I think you being here is the only thing giving me the courage to face him. But Maura, I want you to wait for me. Hoyte may have Cancer, but he's still a dangerous psychopath. The prison is going to take my gun, and it doesn't feel safe enough. I'll get his confession, and we'll go be surprised by my party."

"Jane!" Maura gasped. "Your mother didn't tell me about any party." It was Frankie who told her.

Jane sighed, "Anyway. Will you wait, please?"

Maura scrutinized Jane's face. Jane was trying to protect her. The thought made Maura's nipples throb a little. Jane was thinking clearly about their situation. She was making responsible decisions concerning Maura's safety. Maura thought of the fight that had torn them apart, when Maura hed begged Jane to make responsible decisions about both their safety.

Jane waited for a reply. Maura was looking at her in a way that turned her knees to jelly.

"Jane, " Maura replied slowly, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I can't leave you alone with him. I honestly can't."

"Maura-" Jane tried to break in.

"No, Jane. I won't. I'm sorry. I would just be standing in the hall wringing my hands, worrying to death about you. The last time you were alone with him, you had to seriously injure him to protect yourself. If you want to keep me safe, then keep me with you. Please, Jane. I don't want to argue."

Jane sighed heavily. "Alright, Maura. But you're drinking a beer at my party tonight. From a can."

Maura's face broke into a smile. "If there even is a party, we will see. From an Aluminum can, really?"

* * *

Later that evening, after Hoyte had nearly killed them both, after Jane had once again heroically saved her life, after the big surprise party, after everyone had gotten totally drunk and hugged and laughed and were finally packed into taxis, after it was only Jane and Maura left in Jane's wrecked apartment, Maura decided to be the first one to talk about what had happened.

Jane was standing at her kitchen sink washing dishes. By then she had stripped to her tank top and jeans, and had tossed on a pink kitchen apron. Maura marveled at the combination of masculine and feminine features of her look. Maura could tell at a glance she wasn't wearing a bra underneath her tank top, but the pink ruffle wrapped around her waist my Maura imagine what panties Jane might be wearing.

"I'm sorry, Jane," Maura's voice conveyed feelings carefully held in check. "You saved my life again tonight. You tried to tell me to wait. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you."

Jane didn't look up from the dishes. "I'm not upset about that. If you hadn't been there, I might not have found the determination to bring us home. But I wish I hadn't put you in danger again."

Maura walked towards Jane, but stopped a few feet away from her. "You didn't. I put myself in danger and you protected me."

Jane looked up at her, but hesitated to make eye contact. "I just did my job."

Maura tried to remember how many beers she had. She put one hand against the counter, and breathed carefully.

"Jane, I really mean to say that I'm sorry because I was harsh to you. When we fought. I told you that you were reckless. But tonight you acted the same as you always do, and you saved both our lives. You gave that poor boy closure on his family's disappearance. You executed a murderer. And we're both standing here drunk after a great party, all because you acted how you always act. Impulsive, not reckless. That's just you, and ... " Maura let her head tilt to the side, "I honestly love that about you. I never meant to make you feel bad, I was just motivated by the fear of losing you."

Jane had listened with her head down. Maura felt that bizarre slow motion as she watched Jane dry her hands, untie her apron and toss it on the counter, and move to wrap her arms around Maura. Maura let herself be swept into Jane's full embrace. Jane held her carefully, not sexually. She squeezed Maura only slightly.

Eventually she spoke against Maura's hair, "That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, but I should have never hurt you. I should have never made you watch me die. I really don't risk my life that often, and when I do I try to think of you and Ma. I wish I had a safer job, but these jobs are our lives. We can't change that." She rubbed her face lightly against Maura's head. "I love you, too, Maura."

She still had Maura wrapped tightly in her arms. Maura's arms were crossed over Jane's back where her hands were stroking Jane's shoulders. Images of she and Jane making love filled her mind. She struggled to keep her breathing light and finally replied, "Happy birthday, Jane."

Jane laughed. "Hey, " she held Maura away enough to look into her face, "want to see my birthday present to myself?" She smiled in a way Maura couldn't really discern. Maura nodded, smiling.

Jane nervously went to her bedroom and returned with a plain white box. Maura was leaning against the kitchen counter, and Jane sat the box down, still smiling coyly. "Open it," she said casually.

Maura couldn't imagine what might be inside the box as she slipped its lid away. She sharply inhaled when she saw the realistic, strapped dildo inside. She looked at Jane, her face painted in shock.

Jane only grinned at her.

"What?" Maura started. "Why?" She tried to swallow but her mouth was dry. "Who?" She asked, her face a shifting sand dune of emotions.

Jane took a long breath before starting. "My therapist wanted me to do some things to make myself happy. She said to buy myself a birthday present, something fun, just for me. So, I thought, why not? I'm a grown woman. I can have a sex toy, can't I?"

Maura tried to feign composure. "You ... see a therapist?"

Jane tried not to blush. "Yeah, the doctors recommended it. In case of PTSD. But I'm actually finished with therapy. We finished last week. Which is a relief, I don't know what the Doc would say about what happened tonight."

Maura had listened with her heart in her throat. "That's so ... amazing, Jane. I'm so proud of your maturity, and," her eyes fell on the box's contents, "your toy is nice, too."

Jane paused before saying, "I haven't tried it on yet."

Maura looked up at her. "Who is it for?" She asked suddenly.

"It's for myself, that's the point."

"I didn't know you were sleeping with ... any woman, or anyone."

Jane bit her lip. "It's not for sex. It's for me. Wait. You'll see."

She snatched the box off the counter and was gone before Maura could refuse. Maura quickly resumed cleaning wrapping paper from the coffee table. Soon she heard Jane return, and turned to see the toy had been placed in her jeans.

Jane smiled deviously as she strutted across the living room. She posed for a while at the couch, scratching herself and lewdly adjusting. Maura laughed easily at the scene.

Finally Jane stopped goofing and asked, "Well?"

Maura tried not to stare directly at it. "You look very sexy, Detective." She answered, as casually as possible.

Jane refused to blush. "Thanks, little lady. I guess I better mosey on over and finish the dishes," she imitated a Western accent before returning to the kitchen.

Maura walked up behind Jane slowly. "Who is it ... for? I mean, whom do you intend on fucking with it?"

Jane was surprised by her language. So profane and somehow still proper. "I don't intend on fucking anyone, I guess. I doubt Casey would appreciate it. It's just for me. You have a dildo."

Maura's chest loosened a little with the laugh that escaped her. "I do. She's an adorable little semi translucent, purple rabbit I call Rizzles. She's my best friend, when you're not around."

Jane turned around to face Maura. "I named mine ... Miles."

But Maura missed the joke as she pressed, "Mine is for pleasuring _myself_."

Maura glanced at it. She felt like she was staring no matter how long she looked.

"Is this jealousy in your tone, Maura Isles?" Jane asked, smirking gleefully.

Maura tore her eyes away from it.

"Do you want it to be for you?" Jane asked her, playfully but with a serious undertone.

Maura looked into her eyes. "We're not sleeping together anymore."

"I know." Jane replied carefully. "Listen, I just looked at every toy in the store, and this is the one I chose. There's no one I'd want to use it with but you. But we're not sleeping together anymore."

Maura felt like Jane had stepped closer somehow. They were standing close again, looking into each other's eyes.

"I like how things are now," Maura began slowly. She was aware of her chest starting to rise in gentle waves. "We actually communicate now. We go running, we clean the house, we spend time with your family. Before all we did was get drunk and have sex."

"Yeah," Jane agreed. "There is more to life than ... getting drunk and having sex."

Maura nodded in agreement. Jane looked into her eyes briefly before turning to resume putting away the dishes.

Maura didn't move away. She stood behind Jane thinking of how perfect their earlier conversation had been. They had finally succeeded at fixing their friendship. Everything was going to be okay.

Jane felt Maura's hands slide around her hips. She tried to turn but was stopped by Maura's body pressing against her. Maura's breath was hot against her neck, and when Maura spoke it made Jane's stomach muscles spasm.

"Jane?"

Maura's fingers worked quickly through the button and zipper of Jane's tight jeans. Soon her small hands were sliding into Jane's pants where they gripped Jane's birthday present.

"Let's get drunk and have sex."


End file.
